I hate watching what I eat. I hate that it smacks of deprivation, of loss, of guilt and whinge and "Oh, don't doooooooooo that! It's baaaaaaaaaaaad for you!" I hate that it sucks the joy out of eating or drinking. In fact, sometimes I think it sucks the joy right out of everything. What is the joy in eating a big hunk of chocolate cake if deep inside your inner voice is counting the calories, the carbs, the sugars and the refined flour that is turning into an insulin nightmare from the moment you put it in your mouth? And where is the joy in having a minute bite of the chocolate cake before virtuously pushing the plate aside and having to stare at the remainder, or (gasp!) throw it away?
Where is the joy in life if one cannot eat big hunks of chocolate cake? Where is the joy in telling yourself, "Hey, I need some protein today - I think I'll have a slice of low-sodium lunch meat! Oh - or maybe that Pria bar!" Ugh. No matter how good the Pria bar might have been made to taste, it's still not chocolate cake and you're not fooling anyone - most especially, not yourself.
I hate "virtue." I hate hearing "Yes, but if you do not eat the chocolate cake, you do not overconsume sugar and put all those chemicals in your body, and then you can live forever! healthily! virtuously! sugar-freeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!" Let's face it: I like sugar. Living sugar-free will be like living in a gray world with no color or pizzaz. There is no behavior-modified way around that. I hate, detest, despise and deplore deprivation, no matter what the reason.
And the crap about how "healthy food is so much more tasty that that nasty processed crap!" only works for people who have TIME to put the healthy food together. I'm talking about folks who do not have 9 to 6 jobs, who do not rush home to the needs to children and man and house, who do not have to juggle the millions of things that all of us ordinary people have to juggle. There is not enough time in my day for me to depilate my mustache, do all the laundry, or even blog. It's like an economics class: if I am going to blog, then I have to give up something else - I don't watch baseball with Big Daddy, I holler "go get one of your brother's shirts!" instead of finding pajamas for K, I yell at Bubba from the computer rather than speaking to him close up - I sacrifice my family's needs so I can have 15 minutes to ramble at myself on a computer screen. That, or I learn how to live without sleep or fun. Not working.
Do I have time, energy or inclination to shop daily, organically and locally, to plan out nutritious and healthful meals which I can then cook in less than 30 minutes and/or serve in the car while we are going from afterschool to Scouts? HELL NO. Unless we cancel everything we do and live out of a crock pot - and there are only so many things one can cook in the crock pot - we are doomed to eating crap at a minimum of 3 times a week.
I would never survived as a Puritan. They'd have locked me in the stocks and thrown things at me for sure, if they didn't make me wear a scarlet "F" for the rest of my life.
I long to tell the diet people, "Find me a way to live/eat healthily that does not involve spending extra money or extra time, but does not involve eating processed crap from a box." (Funny - I will binge on sugar, but have this aversion to all the sodium in processed foods. It makes no sense.) I long to tell all these 30 minute, EVOO, cook at home and can your own vegetable people to go to hell, because I don't have time to shop at the grocery store, much less grow tomatoes. (I would secretly love to grow tomatoes. Every year, I think of buying some tomato plants. Haven't yet. I dream of the sauces and soups and ratatouilles and omelets I would create, fresh off the vine - I might even make a foray into tomato sandwiches, because as my palate changes, I am beginning to appreciate raw tomatoes as much as the stewed varieties. Some days, I forget to brush my teeth - grow tomatoes? Still, it reminds me to buy basil, since I'm out, and long ago I took a toothbrush and toothpaste to the office, just in case. It pays to be prepared.)
OH, well - I am out of time. I am thinking of throwing away every non-essential item in the house, if only to empty things out and see how we would live away from the clutter. Will give this more thought. . .
3 comments:
Wow...so what is your alternative then. Same old and then diabetes? I don't think Mamacita is having much of an exciting time dealing with that. Nobody is saying you can't have chocolate cake, that is really nit-picky and unnecessary, what you can do though is create a more healthful and moderate "Big Picture". Don't think of it as "watching" what you eat, think of it as a learning experience-- learning about nutrition and healthful, quick cooking. This is just one skill out of many, and you have mastered many; it is also an aspect of life, very important *to* your life sure, but don't make it into a DDD---"Difficult Diet of Doom.
There are plenty of people out there with kids and jobs who manage to do what you claim you can't. I think you are shortchanging yourself turning this into some kind of virtue vs vice debate, and just basically copping out--saying you can't deal. Can't Can't Can't--and even moreso, Won't, Won't Won't. Well, you *can*, but will you?
Do you think I lead a completely joyless life eating nothing but nuts and twigs and straw or something by the way? I make food that tastes damn good! I enjoy eating and drinking. Very often meals comes out of a box or bag, all or in part. Virtually nothing I make takes longer than 30 minutes, often much less. Occasionally I'll do the ol' "from scratch" thing or bake, but that is not every day. Hell, why do you think I was so stressed about making that brunch--so many things from scratch or time-consuming elements--ahhhhh! But hey, I perfected my quiche method and now those are really easy to throw together. *And* I have chocolate!
Don't think about "deprivation" think about "moderation", and looking for more healthy alternatives, even it if comes out of a back or box or take-out. You can do it! I shop at Walmart and the local grocery chain--I'm not buying a ton of organic. Our trips to the big organic/gourmet store are once every one or two months. And growing your own tomatoes requires buying some plants, good potting soil and large, cheap plastic pots. You plop the tomatoes in with a tomato cage--done. Then you keep them watered. Not hard. You won't be growing your whole salad or anything but it's fun to do that with the kids, I'd warrant!
YOu are obviously feeling overwhelmed, and I think you and then you and BD need to sit down and and streamline the routine. Is there anything he can do around the house that will give you more time to do things for yourself? Can you cook several main dishes on the weekend that you can freeze to eat during the week? You seem to be channeling all your frustration into this food issue, kinda making it your last stand, and speaking from experience, this is eating disorder territory. Limitless chocolate cake, sweet tea, and processed crap are not worth your health and your life. And when you have food issues and/or poor eating habits that will be passed on to the next generation, because they will follow what they see.
I so sorry you are in this place, I wish I were there to give you a hug, and take you grocery shopping for some good eats, car dancing to and from, because there are many other joys in life to appreciate.
To Vic: MWAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
:)
MWAAAHHH! Love you too! And you are to live to wear gaudy clothes and big hats with me on cruise ships in our golden years--that is an order!!!! Resistance is futile!
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